Open Letter

TO: Sonny Perdue, Governor of Georgia
FROM: Chas ‘n’ Heather
SUBJ: I-75

Dear Gov. Perdue:

We are presently visiting your state and would like to draw your attention to a serious problem in your administration. Namely, that whoever heads up your transportation division is a doody-head.

I mean, what kind of mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging, soft-headed moron decides that a Sunday afternoon is a good time to narrow I-75 south of Cordele from three lanes to one lane, causing a traffic jam that stretches over 100 miles?

We probably would have been more sympathetic if we had actually seen any kind of construction going on anywhere south of the actual point of merging, but of course this was a Sunday so there was no work of any kind going on, unless you count people calling on their cell phones -- mostly to complain to their relatives/bosses/et al that they weren't going to be getting to Atlanta on time because Butt-Head the Highway Administrator thinks that daytime lane closures for non-emergency work is a good idea -- as “work.”

We were expecting dead bodies in the road for the kind of stop-start, five-miles-per-hour movement we were seeing. Had we not known the backways of Georgia (and had an up-to-date road atlas) as well as we did, there would have been dead bodies on the roadway. Ours, after we were shot strangling your Transportation Secretary.

Even with our re-routing, our 7.5 hour drive turned into an 11-hour ordeal. Ever seen the Doctor Who story “Gridlock”? Rename it “I-75” and you get the idea.

Such gross incompetence in highway management really puts us off spending a lot of time visiting destinations served by this roadkill of roadways. Let me put this another way: you're making Florida’s highway management look good, and that ain’t easy to do. Look into this, will ya? Thanks.

Grits,
Chas and Heather